You.

I remember the first time I saw you, my heart staked its claim over yours. I think I truly understood what soulmates meant. I could feel the electric connection we had. The heat. It was just like the movies and I was scared. Every single moment i spent with you i wished we had met under better circumstances and in a normal way. But what scared me more was that you felt it too. I knew I was screwed.

Being with you was the most blissful thing i had encountered in a long time. Everything else faded away. We were in our own little bubble. Even though you protested i wanted to be with you the right way. Even though we knew we had no future together, I wanted everyone to know. I didn’t want us to be a dirty little secret. I knew I would never regret taking the steps i needed to take in order to be with you, for I wanted to do this the right way.

But what did i know that my naivety would destroy us. “Always say the truth.”  But noone taught me what being truthful meant. I didn’t know that “speaking the truth” meant lying. Lying to comfort others. Lying to save your own ass. I never learnt that. I am yet to decide whether it is a good or a bad thing that i cannot blatantly lie. Everything we built started crumbling around us when my parents found out. They made me cut all ties with you. I regret not being able to give you a proper explanation. I know you think I used you. But i know i didn’t 

Sometimes I wonder if we would still be in touch had I lied to everyone like you had asked me to? Would my life have been better if i had never met you that day? Should we have just been friends? These questions torture me all day long.It just hurts when of all people, you call me a stone cold bitch. I don’t respond. I know that you are not strong enough to survive even 10% of the pain I go through.

Now everytime I think of you it feels as if someone ripped my heart out right in front of me. I can see my heart bleeding. I can feel it beating painfully. Everytime i think of you I have tears in my eyes and a numbing pain in my chest. Wondering if I would survive the pain. I feel empty inside.

Living by the motto “whatever happens happens for good”is helping me heal. Little by little i mend my heart. Slowly and gradually i feel like living again. It has become difficult for me to express my feelings out loud and that is why i turn to writing and painting. No matter what, you will always hold a special place in my heart. Even if this whole chapter with you was a lesson i had to learn.

“Even though we weren’t meant to last. We were meant to begin. And that thought always makes me smile “

-J. M. Storm

With loads of Love

LLnOT